Friday

This is pathetic. Here I am, sitting around on a Friday night, checking out everybody's blog while watching QVC. I'm almost convinced that I should buy an Affinity sterling and diamond ring. Hmmm....

Okay, well, here's a highlight. I went to see "Austin Powers in Goldmember" tonight. It was pretty funny! I liked it better than the last one!

hmmm...That ring really is pretty cool looking.... DAMN! Caller, Michelle, just got the last one! I'm going to bed!

P.S. - Wait!! Ba-donka-donk is about to come on Crank Yankers!

Cooking Monkey Homestyle!

What the hell is with the spam mail I'm getting lately?!! Minnie mentioned something about weird spam the other day. Since then I've been keeping tabs on the Subject lines of my Junk Mail folder. Here's a sampling of what I've found:

1. "Boys and Dogs, Dogs with Girls, Farm Orgy & more!" yee haw.
2. "Wanna See How Wild Monkeys Have Fun Eith Young Girls?!" no.
3. "Hot Rape Videos" gee, I can't wait to see that one.
4. "Mad Donkey Rapes Young Girl." and this is entertainment?
5. "Fresh Free Porn!!" and what, someone would pay for stale, rotten porn? wait. don't answer that.

That’s My Kind of Shopping!!

According to one of my odd-ball news sites, “Melodie Morsicato, 45, was arrested in New Britain, Conn., in March after she crashed through the front door of a Target store at 4 a.m. in her Nissan Stanza and, once inside, continued to drive around the store.” DAMN! That was MY idea! Wouldn’t that be cool?! Drive-in shopping.... hmmm.... I can see it now: “Pull over, I wanna check out that thong!”

Advance Notice

I won’t be able to post tomorrow (Thursday). Oh, I think I forgot to tell you guys: I got a new job! Anyway, I have my first presentation tomorrow. For an hour and a half, I have to stand in front of a room full of guys and detail the superior design qualities of my favorite car company. This job ROCKS!!

I’m a little nervous about the whole public speaking thing, but I’ll make it through! Wish me luck - and keep your fingers crossed that I don't trip over wires and knock over the laptops and projector! That image just keeps popping up in my mind! ugh!

You Go Little Philly Grrl!

Apparently they're still growin' em pretty tough in Philly. This 7-year old girl escaped her kidnappers "by chewing through the duct tape that bound her, smashing through a door and breaking a window to yell for help." That's my kinda grrl!!

Bubblin'

I was in the bookstore with a friend last night, checking out books on beta fish (a/k/a Siamese Fighting Fish). I tried to explain that my fish, Notorious B.E.T., has been hard at work building a bubble nest. Apparently, male betas do this when they’re, “in the mood….”

Unfortunately, there seems to be a drought on female betas at the local pet stores. I turned to my friend for help. “He’s been bubbling like crazy. If I don’t find a girl for him soon, he’s going to explode.” Wonder who was listening in the next aisle…

Which Obscure Band Are You?

Ever hear song lyrics and think “That’s SOO me?!” Take the a test and find out if it really is:

I was The International Noise Conspiracy. (They're obscure? I heard they were on MTV). Anyway, which band are you?

Roadkill Surprise

No, I’m not talking about what I made for dinner last night. I’m talking about what I saw on the side of the road last night when I drove to get my pup a new bag o’ grub.

A dead squirrel on the side of the road; not an uncommon sight, right? I bet that’s what the crows thought when they sidled up and started to peck at it. Well, imagine their surprise (and mine!) when the not-dead-yet squirrel jumped up and took a swing at the nearest crow! “Who the HELL do you think you’re peckin’ at?!! Damn! I try to get some rest and look at what happens! C’mon! You want summa dis?!”

I swear I almost hit another car because I was laughing so hard and paying more attention to this scene than the traffic in front of me!

Humidity Makes Me Cranky

It’s almost 9PM and the thermometer on the clock in my living room says 80 degrees. What’s worse is that the hygrometer says the humidity is at 82% which, as stated on the hygrometer is “Very Humid.” no shit. Like I need technology to tell me that?

Make Up?

My weekend started with me aggravating my wrists’ carpal tunnel. I made numerous changes to my site. You probably don’t see them, but I do! I think I’ve learned more about coding and stuff this weekend than in the past couple of years! It all started when I tried to move something further down on the page and ended up deleting stuff and throwing everything off. If you checked here late Friday or early Saturday, you’ll know what I mean. I REALLY screwed it up. Numerous attempts to figure it out Friday night didn’t work, so I gave up for the evening.

Saturday morning, I leapt from my bed (tripping over my dog on the way - nice new bruise!), poured a cup of coffee (all over the counter! I hate that coffee pot!) and checked here, just in case it was a Blogger thing and my site had magically corrected itself. Well, it didn’t and I spent a few more hours correcting the problem! FINALLY, it worked! Then it was off to do something TOTALLY not me; I got a makeover. (wha?!! Yep, you read that right.)

Now, I'm not a “girlie” kinda grrl, and I'm not really into the big makeup deal. So, I was rather surprised by how easily my friend Cara talked me into going for a free makeover by the "Sex and the City" makeup artist. I figured, "What the heck! It's free!"

I expected to run out of there, swiping at my makeup mask with a bath towel snagged from the housewares department. I have to admit I was pleasantly surprised when the makeup artist actually listened when I said, “I don’t want a bunch of goop on my face. Just something natural looking, maybe a little drama for going out at night.” When I was done, the very cute, but very gay makeup director turned around and said, “Damn! She’s HOT!!” I took his advice and made plans to go out for the evening.

After shopping with my grrls, I donned a new outfit and my “Martini Dame” undies (complements of my buddies at the soon to appear Slaw Art) and headed out to wow the boys of Detroit. I met some nice people, but quite honestly, I’m getting rather bored with the boys here. Maybe it's me and not the guys here. Naaaa! No really, they were nice; I'm just bored. If I didn’t like my new job so much, I’d move back home to Philly or out to San Francisco! Is it appropriate to say here that I miss the boy? I wonder if it’s mutual. Should I call him or just give up completely? Any thoughts?